Saturday, September 7, 2013

Still here!

It's been 20 weeks since I last updated and it feels like time has flown by.
T will be 32 weeks on Monday. Baby P ( we didn't find out the gender) is a mover and a shaker and puts on a show for his two mommies every night. I can't wait to see my little baby on the outside! Only 58 or so more days to go!

I wanted to share here how happy I am that we are having a baby but also to still talk about how it still hurts in my heart that ill never be able to carry a child. As I've spent the last 8 months watching T's body grow and feel that baby kick and move I can't help but feel an empty space or longing in my body for that feeling. Ill admit that I'm jealous that she can check in with the baby all day long because its in her stomach. I'm jealous that its going to look like her. I'm jealous of so many things.
My mother in law asked me a few weeks ago out of the blue if I wished I was carrying the baby. Immediately I replied with," more than anything" It's something that I will never get to experience and I am mourning that option in my life.
With that being said I am so grateful and feel so lucky to have a Baby growing in T's belly. I can't wait to experience motherhood with her. Being her wife is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't wait to see her be a mother!
I still follow along on the rest of your TTC journeys and I am sending so much baby dust your way. I feel your pain and heartache and I won't so bad for you to experience parenthood however that happens for you. 

1 comments:

tomakefire said...

Glad everything is going well! I don't have experience being the non-gestational parent, but I will say that watching my wife in that role has been pretty amazing. Two thoughts that might ease your pain a little. 1. she loves that our daughter looks like me, more than I expected. I thought she would feel jealous (she thought she would feel jealous) but she loves to see the ways that the two of us mirror each other, and I can't see any of it. and 2. she is absolutely as much the mother as I am, and currently the parenting favorite. When kisses are being handed out, she gets them first. When knees are scraped, she's the go-to mom. It doesn't make up for the distance during pregnancy, but the gap closed pretty fast, and childhood lasts a lot longer.

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