Wednesday, February 6, 2013

nope not pregnant

This cycle was one of the hardest we've had. T spent the week before we could test laid up in bed. She couldn't eat, she couldn't move, she was wiped out and although we didn't logically think she would have morning sickness being one week pregnant we still got our hopes up. We took a test last Thursday am and it was negative, we both  tried to sort of shrug it off and went to work as normal. Bad Idea. By the end of the day both of us were a mess. When I got home T had made dinner ( a new recipe) that was disgusting so we opted for fast food and ice cream. We talked a bit about how we were bummed but then proceeded to watch a reality TV show about babies being born in the hospital (another terrible idea!).  I cried a little during the show but when the baby was born (It was a show on the BBC so it literally showed everything) T burst into tears and we both had a little cry. I think I did a good job of comforting her that night and not making it about myself. I know we both had gotten our hopes up and it just seemed right. Well we are on the other side again and will inseminate again this weekend. At this point we are on cycle number three so after this we only have three more months of at home insemination's and then we will probably be going the IUI route. 
Another thing I've been thinking about lately is how much the Internet makes everything seem perfect these days. I know at least on my fb I only post happy stuff, cute pictures, or special occasions. If you read my fb it would seem as if I am the happiest person on the planet. I had a friend (who I use to talk to in real life but is now only a fb friend) call me the other day and tell me how she is now in a lesbian relationship. This is not the first one of our friends to come to us when they have become "gay" or decides to date a woman for the first time. We often come in contact with these friends that think just because you are with a woman life must be great. You will communicate so easily with each other. You will have your best friend with you all the time. This friend in particular wanted me to help her with some relationship issues (these were not issues that were typical for just a lesbian relationship). I found this laughable because I have only been in one relationship my whole life and I am really the wrong person to ask about dating and the ins and out of dealing with exes, but apparently because I am gay I should have some insight on this.  And although T is my best friend, I don't think our relationship is any different than any other couple (heterosexual or not) that has their ups and downs. It takes a lot of work and a lot of communication to make a relationship work. Struggling down this road towards parenthood has been trying and will continue to test us. We are not any happier because we are gay. Life is Hard and it takes work! There are good days, great days, sad days, and really bad days.  I don't want to seem ungrateful when friends come to us for advice because that's what friends are for. I just have such a hard time with people (friends) pigeonholing me because I'm gay. 
In other news my counselor said that I am a little more sensitive than the average person. Not that I didn't already know this but boy was it a relief to have it confirmed! She also said there is nothing wrong with that! Woo-hoo!  


Risa said...

I am so sorry this cycle didn't work. Ours didn't either and it is was so heartbreaking. So know I am thinking about you guys. And you are right, it does take a LOT making a relationship work, especially going through what we are going through. Big hugs for you!

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