Wednesday, January 23, 2013


I am still spending this time waiting anxiously over the next two weeks but I have really enjoyed writing down my thoughts here so I'm checking in again.
-After going to dinner with my friend K (the one who I avoided for four months after finding out about her pregnancy) I decided to help plan her baby shower. This may be a very bad idea especially since the shower is going to be at my house and I can't back out if I get too anxious. Putting my big kid panties on! 
-I logged on to one of my gossip websites today and realized this lady is having a baby!

I am excited for her. I watched her documentary Chely Wright : Wish Me Away Trailer
 and saw how hard it was for her to come out so I am glad that she is getting to live her authentic life! Also my two favorite lesbians from "The real l word" are having a baby as well! After suffering miscarriages and the death of their first child I am so excited for the two of them! That is enough of my congratulating famous people that have no idea who I am! 

I had counseling again last week.  We spent time talking about why I care so much about what people think about me. My counselor had me discuss what I really think people think about me. It was ugly stuff that I can't bring myself to write here but when I vocalized it I realized just how far down in the dumps I have gone. Her face seemed amazed that I felt these things about myself and she (of course) reassured me that not one of those things are true or is something that she has thought about me. I'm sure I'll have to revisit that soon. 
We also talked about what the absolute worst case scenario is for T and I. Of course my worst case scenario is that we never have kids and then we separate and I end up alone. My counselor wants me to think about this and realize that even if that happens I will still be okay! I guess if I can rectify those feelings than right now my anxiety will subside because I know I will be okay. I'm still not sure about that but I did discuss it with T and I felt overwhelmed just talking about it so I'll put that on the To Do List as well! 
Also I was nominated for a Liebster award! 

Someone actually is reading this thing! I plan to post my responses to the Liebster and my nominations this week! Thanks Risa (! 


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