What I've done since I last blogged

•  I did not put my big girl panties on and  go to the baby shower.  On Saturday morning when I woke up I just knew I couldn't do it. I feel terrible and  I am meeting my friends this weekend to give them the present for their new baby but I am still bummed that I couldn't suck it up to support them. 
• I was a big bum that whole weekend but I did make it to dinner with my friend on Monday. It was  great to see her and her belly and the baby's room which is decorated in owls.  We had a really nice dinner and I got to hear all about the baby stuff. I had intended to apologize for my absence the last 5 months (yes 5 months!) but they didn't really make a big deal of it so it never came up. I was glad to but at the same time  I really wanted to bring bring up so they would know what T and I have been up to but also  part of me has been trying to sort of get out of my feelings as my sister would say. I get very emotional about everything and I'm trying to change that. I spend all this time feeling sorry  for myself and complaining about my life when I really am so incredibly lucky.
•  Wednesday we celebrated T's 29th birthday with yummy Indian food and family and friends. This is the 10th birthday that I that I've spent with T. 10 is a lot of birthdays to celebrate with someone and I'm so grateful and lucky to have the partner that I do. I've been thinking about other people that have dreams for a home and a job and a partner and I'm so blessed to have all those things. I really feel lucky and special to be where I am.
• That being said of course I'm still down about not having a baby.  We inseminated at 6 o'clock in the morning today in  dark parking lot. yes that's true . I looked at my wife and I thought to myself "wow, this is insane".  I told her I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone but her. I don't know if I could find anyone else to go with me to a dark parking lot in the middle of P-town and do a quick insemination before work. 
•   It's a journey that we are  on and part of it is hard and I am  struggling but boy am I lucky to be here and that's what I'm grateful for.
• So Now we Wait 2 weeks. The cycle continues!