My hopes for 2013

This evening I am at work. I have been working more and more lately to try and save money for Baby P. I sometimes work 60 plus hours a week but I am hoping it will all be worth it in the end.  My wishes for 2013 are very big. 

• I wish to be a better wife. I can legally marry T now and I want so much to be better for her. 2012 brought 6 months of physical separation (T finished a job and I moved back home to look for a new one) and with that a huge adjustment period and lots of changes in our relationship. I have become much more independent than I use to be and I am hoping to continue that work. I hope to continue to encourage T in all of her hopes and aspirations. She is my biggest cheerleader and I want to be the same for her. I am blessed to have her.  I want to work hard on remembering that and not taking it for granted. 
• I hope to make my nanny agency fully on board and also hire some other nannies to work underneath me. 
• -I hope to continue my new love of sewing and get better at it. I also hope to become more patient and more of a perfectionist. I would like to make quality things. 
• -I hope to get out and enjoy life more. I want to not cancel on friends/plans. I would like to go out to new restaurants and maybe go whitewater rafting again this summer. I hope that I get to Hawaii for Thanksgiving. 
• -Last but definitely not least I want more than anything to be blessed with a baby this year. I want to become a family. I want to see T be a mommy. While we may not end 2013 with a baby being born (although I'd love that), I'd love to at least have a baby in T's belly. I want to be a Mama. 

Today T and I visited a friends new baby boy. He is two weeks old and an absolute doll. T and I spent an hour passing this precious thing back and forth. The friend remarked that we needed a baby. I was so proud of myself for not spilling all of my thoughts right then. I wouldn't really have cared but T is more private and likes to keep our story to herself. This is something I also have to work on. When I'm anxious or uncomfortable I am a blabber mouth. Even when I can tell that i'm making people uncomfortable I keep talking. I suppose I'll add that to my list. After we left the new baby and went home, It was snowing. It was a wonderful drive home but I was in a funk. T even asked if I wanted to go for a walk in the snow. It reminded me of when we were just friends 9 years ago and on a summer night  we sat out in the rain. That's when I fell in love with her. I remember sitting next to her and just realizing that I was in love with my best friend. But today  I said no to the walk and went to bed and took a nap.   I sometimes let it all get to me so fast and I'm trying not to get to worked up  during this 2ww but we are halfway done with it and my nerves are a wreck. I have another counseling appointment on Wednesday and I'm hoping that will help.